Our job as parents is to provide our children with a balanced, healthy childhood that prepares them to become young adults.  There are many different ways to do this, so parents have a variety of choices readily available.

Sometimes, though, in an effort to give our kids every advantage to succeed we fall into the trap of scheduling them for so many activities that they miss out on chances to be children.

How do you know if your child is doing too much? Let’s take a closer look.

Is there enough downtime?

Parents often try to make sure that their children are not just “sitting around” or hanging out on the couch watching TV.  While it’s true that too much of these things is not healthy, too little of these things is not healthy either.

Just as you need time to rest, relax, and unwind, so too do your children need downtime.  They need opportunities to curl up with a good book, hang out with friends, talk on the phone, or simply play outside with the dog.  In other words, kids need time to be just what they are – kids.

Take a look at your child’s extracurricular activities.  Does he or she have downtime in between music lessons, sports, chess club, etc.?  Or do the activities start as soon as school lets out and don’t end until well into the evening?

If your child’s time is scheduled so tightly that there is always somewhere to be or something to do, then he or she might be doing too much.

Whose passion is it?

It is natural for parents to want their children to have opportunities and experiences that they did not have as a child.  It is also natural for parents to want their children to enjoy things that they enjoyed as a child, too.  Difficulty arises, though, when the parent’s passion for an activity is stronger (or more competitive) than the child’s passion for an activity.

You’ve probably seen it a hundred times — Soccer Moms yelling at their child to from the sidelines, and Football Dads pushing their child to be tough and play harder.  There is nothing wrong with encouraging and supporting your child, but be careful that you don’t cross the line into applying too much pressure.

If your child really loves baseball and genuinely wants to work hard and be competitive, then by all means, help make that happen.  But if your child thinks of baseball as more of a recreational opportunity and doesn’t have a strong competitive drive, you cannot force it to appear.

Stop for a moment and take a clear, honest look at your motivations for having your child participate in an activity.  Is it to help him or her become well rounded?  Is it so you can boast of your child’s achievements?  Is it because you want your child to succeed at something you didn’t get to do as a child?

Most often your motivations will be a combination of many things, so it can be tough to separate them out.  The bottom line is that your child should participate in extra activities that are interesting and exciting to him or her – not those activities that fulfill a need or desire of yours.

Are you over scheduled?

Another indicator that your child may be doing too much is how their activities fit in with your schedule.  This may sound selfish, but it really is not.  After all, you are the one who is responsible for getting him or her to practice, to games, to recitals, to concerts, etc.  Are you running yourself ragged trying to get everyone where they need to go?

Of course getting kids to activities is rarely easy or convenient, so parents have to make a certain amount of extra effort.  But when that effort becomes so overwhelming that you become cranky, tired, stressed or anxious, it is time to pause and think things through.

Before your child begins any new activity, be aware of the size and complexity of the commitment you are making.  How many days per week does the activity occur?  How many hours does it last?  How far away is it?  How much time (and gas) will you spend driving to and from?  Are there other things you must do, like help with organization, fund raising, or something similar?  If you’re not careful you (and your child) can quickly become overwhelmed and over scheduled. 

The benefits of extracurricular activities

We said earlier that participating in extracurricular activities is not necessarily easy or convenient, and that is indeed true.  As a parent you need to weigh the benefits of a particular activity against the costs and inconveniences that go along with it.

For example, a child who lacks self-confidence may blossom by participating in a drama class or a team sport.  You may have to try several different activities to find the one that suits the child best, but in the end it is worth all of the effort to see your child’s self-confidence grow and become strong.

Another example involves the friendships and connections that your child (and you) can make by being involved in an activity.  Your child gets to spend time with other children who have the same interests, and you get to spend time with other adults as well.  Some of the most deep and lasting family friendships are a direct result of families sharing a common activity.

Summary

When it comes to your kids and their activities, it is easy to get caught up in the urge to do more, see more, and be more.  Remember, though, that whatever activity your child is involved in, it is important that he or she really enjoy it.  That doesn’t mean there won’t be tough days here and there, but it does mean that overall your child is happy, fulfilled, and eager to participate.

About the author - Alison Gjefle is a freelance writer with ExquisiteWriting.com. She draws on her extensive background in marketing, public relations, and communications, combining this expertise with her passion for writing. She lives in Washington State, U.S.A.

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